Some people seem to have an odd relationship with either the term “self importance”, or with the notion they think it alludes to.
What does one mean by “self importance”? What does it actually mean to either “assert” or “let go” of it? If we use that term to refer to the ego and insecurity driven “Lookey here, I’m SO COOL!!!” type of petty attention seeking attitudes, yeah that’s just tiny speck less pathetic than the oppo-same of it, which is to outright belittle one’s self.
If, on the other hand, by “self importance” we’re referring to the knowing, comprehension and conscious expression of our divine selves, with self love and such, and thus the recognition that everyone’s infinitely important, beautiful and purposeful in essence, then that’s definitely something to keep close and elevate, etc.
Recently, as in yesterday (as of the initial writing of this; it’s been longer, now that I’ve published it), I’ve overcome another layer of my own traumas and came face to face with the notion that, even though I was technically aware that I was already potentially making this mistake and was already vigilant about it, after having decided to refocus my rage and anger, and the energy of it, into actually integrating more of my divine wisdom, instead of just relieving it whenever it popped up through screaming and laughing in a compulsive and reactive fashion (and specifically at the balcony, where there’s practically a massive “audience” of people, ’cause my room is in a heavily congested “city block of flats” area; if I was at the country side or generally would be without an audience, I’d definitely still laugh and scream and be eccentric ’cause it’s a part of me, but I wouldn’t have this compulsive reactive aspect in relation to it).
So, one of the things I learned is that, even though I criticize others for pretending like they’re more advanced than they are, I’m practically doing (or have been doing, until yesterday, as of the initial point of writing this) the same mistake (although not in anywhere near as severe a fashion as others).
Also, the whole “ooh, but I want to kill people AND help them, so ooh, what to do about dis?!”, while the struggles in question still apply, I admitted to myself that this whole “aah, but instead of conversing with people or leaving them be, NAAH, I gotta SCREAM AND LAUGH, ’cause THEN I satisfy both my aggression AND my spiritual desires! A-HA!!! Win-win!!!”
Turns out, this pseudo-appeasement of my “daaaark saaaaidh” and the concurrent pseudo-appeasement my true spiritual intentions, has been a bullshit cop out, self defense mechanism, whereby I was running from my fear of getting emotionally attached to others, and thinking that I was “so tough” because “I’m ploughing through heaps of pain and constant torment”… although, it’s the kind of torment I never had problems overcoming, so although it’s extremely intense and frustrating from a stimulative perspective, that’s kinda more like doing a chore that’s easy and “painfully comfortable” or “comfortably painful”, so to speak, instead of actually ploughing through the actual challenge in front of you.
Also, not only was it pathetic on my part, but it was also shitty in practice, because not only was I not getting even the puerile satisfaction of actually killing people who deserve it; ‘cause, there aren’t seemingly any who are doing so much bullshit, that it’d be moral to kill them; even though, looking at this pitiful so-called “society” in general, most people deserve to fuckin’ be killed and trampled underfoot; although everyone can elevate themselves, when they so choose; anyway, as for the experiences in question regarding me, it was a petty “but, AHA, I shouted at people! I’m SO COOL!!!” and assuming I don’t give a shit about people’s impressions, attitudes and actions… yet, even though I’m definitely not attached to people’s affections, I’m kind of addicted to their antagonism, ’cause I thrive on conflict and fighting and challenging myself… even though I realize the greater challenge in this sense, is to actually get my shit together and grow more aptly, regardless of whether or not there’s someone or something to fight in front of me.
Anyway, so aside from that, I was also deluding myself into erroneously believing that I personally care so much about people, ’cause see, I’m INFORMING them, by screaming at them and then scurrying off back home, and then once again superficially relieving the energy, instead of actually integrating whatever there was to learn from it… now that I have learned from it, it’s “bizzarely” easier to not flip my shit and be ultra reactive.
Because I realize that part of the reason for the fear, was that I was afraid of failing and afraid of degrading from where I currently am (wherever that may be, at whichever moment of my life). And it’s because of that fear, that I was propping myself up as this “GRAND GURU ULTRA GIGACHAD” guy, and trying to convince myself that I personally care about other people more than I actually do (I always care more about principles, truth and knowledge and such, than about people; which is a good thing, but caring about people is also a good thing, so long as it’s in harmony with principial things), in an effort to try and make myself seem, towards my own self, as more advanced than I actually am, on a personal level.
So thus, I realized, or rather reintegrated, the notion it’s good to actually be aware of ALL the things and veyond.
Which includes the “past” and the “present” and the “future”. The ego often tends to find petty comfort in either the past or the future, because (if unawakened) it’s scared shitless of actually doing something in the now and consciously assuming responsibility.
See, looking at the past means learning from our successes and our mistakes, and looking towards the future brings us clarity regarding where we want to go, but clinging to the past because we’re afraid of letting go, or clinging to the future and impressions of “look how advanced our vision and our insight it”, but if you don’t also acknowledge where you are now in your personal journey and doing something about it, that attachment just fuckin’ amounts to addiction and patting ourselves on the back for lessons we have yet to learn, and dreams we’ve yet to realize in manifestation.
NOW is the moment to do stuff, but to do something apt in the NOW, we are to honestly and consciously and defiantly recognize where the fuck we actually are, regardless of whether or not we like our findings, on an ego level. ’cause either way, regardless of how fucked up or advanced we might be in any moment, there is always more to learn, to grow, to know and comprehend, to fuckin’ be and to express, etc… among other things…
So thus, yeah… to actually hasten our evolution in consciousness, we should neither “downplay” ourselves, nor prop ourselves as if we’re more advanced than we currently are, on whatever levels we’re talking about.
Well, there are no such things as “levels”, nor “time”, nor “space”, nor “form”, and there is no “separation” between anything either, so thus it’s never about “acquiring” or “amassing” things we didn’t have before, but rather it’s about which aspects of our true divine and unbound selves we choose to express, and of course, choose the greater aspects of ourselves, etc, etc, etc, among other things…
Anyways, among other things…
always question everything
the more we know, the more we know, how much more there is to know
Anyways, we are to all and always and veyond ways persist, rebel, defy and do what is right, conscious, spiritual, defiant, creative, courageous, genuine, honest, greater, wilder, louder, prouder etc, no matter fuckin’ what, etc.
WAHUURFIII
MUAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Anyway, among other things…
“Creator” and “Creation” consciousness are not “separate”. They are both I and We and Me, infinite and unlimited consciousness, manifesting in different ways, and veyond the concept of “ways”.
Everything is always a choice, and the choice is always ours to make.
Always and veyond ways, I wildly, loudly, proudly persist, rebel, defy.
Always and veyond ways, I and We and Me are all and always and veyond ways, infinite and unlimited, unbound, freedom, liberty, defiance, soul and spirit, care and love, imagination, courage, will and intent, infinity, unlimitedness and veyond… among other things…
HARAGUURFIII WARAHUURFIII WAHUURFIII
MUAAAAH AHAHAHAH AHA HA HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HA AHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
